I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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