I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize