did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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