While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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