i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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