he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
