If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
