Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
