peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He has the fingertips of a God
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