There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Randomize
