he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
