The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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