Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
