Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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