You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Randomize
