1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
