He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
