It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
