How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
