She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
