those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
