It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
