You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
