How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Small penises have feelings too.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize