roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
