Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize