Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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