apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
