I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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