I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
