there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
