I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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