I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
