Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
