i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Randomize