If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
