went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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