You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
