Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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