its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
