I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
