Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
