I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
