he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
