I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Randomize
