He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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