ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
