Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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