Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
