So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
