if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
