it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Randomize
