I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
