What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
