I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
