I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
