So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
