Non-Jews are for practice
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
There's always time for handjobs
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
