We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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