No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
