stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
