But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
