I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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