I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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