The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
