He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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