I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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