She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
