Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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