I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
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